you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
