I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
