O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
