it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
