Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
