either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
