Porn is love you can see.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
