.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
