he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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