Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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