He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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