I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
