I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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