You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
