tequila makes me forget i have legs
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
