So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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