I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
