You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
