I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
