when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
