The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
