I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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