I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
