apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You were trust falling into bushes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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