Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
