That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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