He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
