At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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