So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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