my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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