pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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