i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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