Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
