I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
