i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
