I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
