Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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