**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
