i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
