WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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