I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
