He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
