College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
