you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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