he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
