What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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