he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
