I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
