Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
