so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
