I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
