This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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