I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
