If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
